


If You Don't Get It Now, You Never Will

by RestlessCancer



Series: Karkat: Engage in Matespritships [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Continuation of previous work, Fluff, M/M, Smut, sequel to I Lied Get Over It, swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat finally makes some decisions and we learn about his dysfunctional family. Lots of surprises ensue in this continuation of I Lied Get Over It.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh My God. Why?

“Karkat! Get your ass to customer service! There’s a guy who is seriously pissed about the cake he received from our bakery for some kid’s party.” Your manger shouts at you as she walks into the break room.

“Alright, I’m on it.” You respond, sighing almost inaudibly as you swallow your iron pill with a drink of water.

You take a deep breath as you haul ass out to the customer service desk and then you freeze. It’s Dave. Strider. Dave Narcissistic God Complex Fuckass Strider. 

“Son of a bitch.” You moan under your breath.

You walk up and pretend like you’re not you. You’re just some random employee working at the customer service desk in Walmart. Dave does not know you.

“Hello, sir, what can I do for you today?” You ask, an expectant look on your face.

“Karkat, cut the shit. We know each other.” Dave snaps.

“I’m at work though. So is there anything I can do for you?” You prompt, maintaining your façade.

“Yeah, how about you get the shithead fired who sent this cake for your god son’s birthday party.” He says, shifting the cake towards you.

“Oh goddammit.” You face-palm as you see an image from a rather sexually tense scene from one of the latest failing films.

“No shit!” Dave says.

“Those are against policy! I don’t even… fuck.” You respond. 

You realize who made the cake. It was Gamzee. You had recommended him for working in the bakery since he was a pretty good baker, though his earlier pastries were technically illegal. You were trying to keep him from getting into trouble, but you just screwed both of you over. Smooth move, Vantas.

“It was Gamzee. He wasn’t supposed to be working today, but the little shit came in anyway.” You explain in a low voice to Dave. 

“Well, now you can right this injustice by getting him fired.” Dave says bluntly.

“Once Jane finds out it was Gamzee who made this cake, he’ll be fired for sure.” You shake your head as you reassure him.

You show the cake to Jane, your manager, and she immediately calls Gamzee to customer service, forces him to apologize, and then takes him to the break room. Not long after, Gamzee walks out in his regular attire and strolls out of the store like nothing happened. You send for another cake that has characters from Alpha and Omega, since wolves are your god son, Danny’s favorite animals. Dave takes off with the cake awhile after and you rush to finish your shift so you can make it to the party in time.

Driving home in your beat up Ford Exploder (it’s proper name is explorer, but the piece of shit breaks down all too often and the only places it explores are different auto shops), you sigh heavily thinking about the past week. Last week was Halloween, which was a total disaster. You left the costumes to John, engaged in a fiery showdown with your ex, got proposed to, had a panic attack, and then took your god son to the hospital for stitches the next day because you are the worst to say the least.

This week isn’t much better. You’ve been putting off your talk with John, you have feelings for Dave, your god son still has stitches in his forehead, and a very unpleasant day is coming all too soon. The day is a death anniversary, one you’d rather not think about, but John doesn’t know and your brother and father are planning a remembrance ceremony of some sort.

You pull into the alley behind your house and park next to the shed. Hiking up the hill in front of the car, you haul yourself up to the house and sneak in through the side to slip up stairs unnoticed. You change out of your work uniform and into a Flaming Lips tee of John’s and a pair of jeans.

“Kit Kat! Hurry up!” John playfully calls up the stairs.

“I’m coming!” You shout and then add under your breath, “Jesus Christ, Egbert.”

You head downstairs and into the dining room. The cake is illuminated with candles, the lights are out adding to the already dark night, and everyone is faintly illuminated in the candles. You all sing happy birthday to Danny, then let him rip open presents and go play with his sister. You help carry wrapping paper to the trash and then attempt to help wash up the dishes. 

“Ah, outta here, kitten!” Kanaya says, snapping your side with the hand towel. “We’ve got it covered. Go watch Alpha and Omega with the kids and keep them out of trouble.”

“Alright. I’m going.” You say, putting your hands up in surrender.

“Karkat, can we talk later?” John asks, stopping you in the dining room while he grabs more dishes to take to the kitchen.

“Um, yeah, sure, why?” You ask, stopping mid-stride.

“You just seem a little off and I wanna help if I can.” John admits as he stacks plates.

“Oh god, John, please don’t turn into a therapist on me.” You sigh.

“I’m not, but I wanna make sure you know you can talk to me. I know you’re messed up about everything after last week and all.” He says a bit defensively.

“I know that I can. I’m not that messed up.” 

You are definitely defensive in your response here. You hate being called messed up or anything of the sort since you know that it’s true in multiple ways and that it’s not temporary. 

“Kisses, Kitty?” John asks with his puppy dog face. “I’m sorry for being pushy.”

You look around, everyone is preoccupied, and you walk over to John. You slowly wrap your arms around his waist as you lean in and kiss him, sweetly and slowly. You let your eyelashes tease his cheek before giving him another short, but passionate kiss. You pull back and he kisses your neck before you release him to continue cleaning up. You practically melt at the feel of his lips on your neck and he can tell what an effect it had on you.

“Go relax, Kitty Kat.” He chuckles as he walks off to the kitchen.

You frown and walk into the living room. You sit down on the couch next to Lily and Danny climbs out of the recliner on the other side of the couch. He toddles over and reaches out to you. You pick him up and let him situate himself in your lap. You start to drift off during the movie after re-situating into a lounging position with Danny lying on top of you.

You worked from 10 pm last night until the party tonight since an alarmingly large amount of the staff was missing at Walmart. You eventually discovered that most were starting their vacation time for early Thanksgivings with their families and to escape some of the embarrassing things they did while drunk on Halloween. Apparently, one of your co workers is really good at throwing parties and the missing staff members were at it and completely intoxicated.


	2. I Can't Explain Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is in between a rock and a hard place so to speak. John doesn't change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's mostly a filler chapter so you can get update on Karkat's stance in choosing between John and Dave.

You are woken up at almost midnight by John. He brushes your bangs from your eyes and kisses along your jaw line to your throat. Your eyes flutter open as you yawn and flex the muscles in your arms and legs to stretch them out after being curled up for so long.

"Time for bed, Sleeping Beauty." He smiles seductively as he whispers in your ear before kissing your cheek and pulling back.

"Oh my god, John No!" You whisper the playful rejection.

Danny is asleep on your chest, one hand clutching the Flaming lips tee you're wearing and the other's thumb in his mouth. You watch as Rose walks with a sleepy Lily to the dining room, assisting her with putting her coat on, so that they can head home. Kanaya is walking in to take Danny, but you stop her.

"They can stay the night if you wanna have a couple days alone." You offer, barely above a whisper.

"Are you sure?" She asks, keeping her voice down as well.

"Do you really want to wake him? You know he'll be fussy if you do." You point out.

"That's very true. I'm afraid Lily's already awake though. Should we go ahead and take her home?"

You look to John to answer. Lily's a bit more of a hand-full, especially when she's tired. You both have an easier affection and understanding of Danny because of his age and the fact that he's a boy, giving a unique bond to the situation. You already know what to expect from Danny as he grows up as well. 

You never told John this, but you did have a hand in Danny's birth. Since Kanaya and Rose were and still are both female, they needed outside help to have a baby. Kanaya had told you about her struggle to find the right match and then she started beating around the bush, asking if you knew anyone who was willing to help her. After some pestering, she admitted that she really had been trying to ask you if you would volunteer. The two of you have always had a close and unique bond and she wanted her son to be like you, though she didn't know of your anemia or other conditions and she had no intention of marrying or dating a male.

"Of course. She can stay if she wants to, right Kit Kat?" John nuzzles you.

"Definitely." You answer.

You know that Lily was conceived by Rose and one of her close guy friends that she met in college, she likely would've asked Dave if they weren't related, but they are cousins. Lily is a lot like Rose, which is why you have such a hard time with her and Danny being a combination of you and Kanaya is like watching a rom-com that follows the hollywood formula right down to each millisecond of the plot. You still want to get to know Lily since she may end up helping you understand Rose better.

She walks into the dining room and out of sight, since Rose was anxious to get home and waiting by the door. You can hear whispers as she asks Lily what she wants to do. Coming back a moment later, she tells you the plan. 

"She wants to go home tonight, but she would like to come back over tomorrow in the afternoon. We can drop her off if it works for you." She whispers.

"Yeah, that's fine." John answers for the both of you.

She kisses Danny's forehead, then your cheek as you kiss hers, and hugs John before slipping out of the house with Rose and Lily. Meanwhile, Dave is staying with you because John thought it would be good for the two of you to get comfortable with bing around each other. After all, John is still really close to him...


	3. The Way I See It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Davekat history is revealed.

Dave never says goodnight to you unless you're alone so he can try to kiss you, make you remember that you still love him. You never let him go that far, but many times you have embraced him with a few of your tears staining his tee with the memory of your love for for him. Neither of you are truly yourselves outside of those instances because no one needs to know how dysfunctional you're becoming. You don't want to tell John and you're afraid to tell Kanaya that you want the one person you already ruined your relationship with.

When you were with Dave, you were at the happiest you'd been since you were seven and experienced the trauma that gave you the panic disorder you struggle with. Grinnell was never this magically peaceful place where everyone got along and there were never any crimes and it still isn't. The worst crime happened when you were seven and ever since then, you had trouble with everything. Your grades suffered for at least three years, trust was not a concept you grasped nor participated in, you had trouble sleeping, your anxiety turned into a panic disorder and you essentially isolated yourself.

Dave had changed all that. You met him in college in a music theory class. You were taking it as an aid to assist you with learning to teach music therapy and Dave was majoring in music production. There was one day when the Professor announced a pop quiz and you nearly had a panic attack, but Dave kept you from getting there. He introduced himself after taking the empty seat next to you and the two of you started discussing the things you had learned so far, finding common interests in the music realm. After the quiz was handed out, you found that all the stuff you had discussed with Dave was on there.

The professor had warned everyone that there would be a test on certain topics, but you had forgotten your notes that day. You thanked Dave after class and he ended up asking you out by saying that you could repay him with a date. You were thoroughly embarrassed because you didn't know that anyone knew you were gay or that Dave would be.

After that, it was pretty blissful for the following six years of college with him at the University of Miami. Eventually, Dave noticed your defects. The pills you would never give a straight answer about, the extreme anxiety you seemed to have, and how you had to be alone in a corner sometimes. He wouldn't take any it's complicated answers or accept that you didn't want to tell anyone. You got scared and you left him before he could leave you.

You had seen it coming. He was distant with you and often irritated. You were upset a majority of the time because of this. Your relationship went from cuddling and teasing and bliss to lonely nights, fights, and guilt, shame and secrets.


	4. What You Wouldn't Say Means More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat can't sleep and John won't give up that easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the plot! Now that you know some Davekat background, this will make more sense.

"We should get him up to bed." John whispers, starting to pick you up bridal style with Danny in your arms.

"Jojo, this is a bad idea!" You whisper anxiously as your muscles clench and quiver.

"It's okay, Kitten, I've got you." John reassures you.

You can't relax feeling so out of control of what happens to you. You're putting your body and Danny's in danger by being carried by John. He's never carried you and Danny at the same time. What if he trips? What if he can't make it all the way up stairs? What if he misjudges the space in the doorway and you get a concussion from your head colliding with the door frame? You shake almost violently as he reaches the stairs.

"John, please don't do this. Not on the stairs, not while he's asleep!" You plead in a whisper.

"Karkat, what's the matter? Don't you trust that I know what I can do?" John questions, keeping his voice down despite his shock and feeling a little hurt by your low estimation of his skills.

"I do but it's complicated! Not the stairs! Please!" You beg, your breathing becoming shallow and your heartbeat picking up.

"Alright, I won't do it on the stairs."

He lets you down and you carry Danny upstairs and lay him in the middle of your bed. You and John slip into your pajamas and cuddle up around Danny. You didn't bother to change Danny into his pajamas because Kanaya already had him dressed for bed before he curled up with you earlier in the night.

"I love you, Karkat." He whispers as he kisses you sweetly but passionately.

You can't say it back.

You fight tears of shame and guilt as you realize that you might not love him. At all. You started to lose feelings for him when Dave reappeared and said he still loved you at the Halloween party at the Harley-English estate. Now, you're not even sure you love him at all, but you must love him...

Why else would you keep showering him with affection and just generally behaving like nothing had changed?

Guilt. Shame. And things have changed, but you won't accept that.

You lay awake all night, watching sleep bless your lover and your biological child. The clock seems to move quickly as the alarm goes off at 6 am. You don't move as John quickly shuts off the alarm and pulls on his glasses. You continue to lie on your right side and watch Danny sleep with you arm around him, hugged to your chest. He doesn't even know what you've doomed him to become. 

A mini-Karkat that will never have an easy time with the health complications. Danny is only so fussy as a child because of the other symptoms he experiences. The symptoms of Iron Deficiency Anemia. The same health complication you have. 

Your eyes are bloodshot and heavy, but you know sleep won't come. John props himself up on his left elbow and twists to face you staring down at Danny, secrets, guilt and shame all on your face.

"Karkat, we have to talk today. There's obviously a lot bothering you." John says, his voice cracking and extra-low from still being in a sleepy haze.

You simply look up at him. Tears stain your cheeks as reality hits you. 

Those words...

Those are the words Dave said to you right before you blurted a sobbing break up statement, claiming that it could never work between the two of you and that it would be best if you forgot about each other. 

You feel a thousand times worse because this time, the secrets are far worse than before.

And you can't run away.


	5. It Ends Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John sits Karkat down for a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is a quote and song title by The All American Rejects, "It Ends Tonight" It's a song about how the lead singer is sick of his best friend/room mate who had a lot of problems but refused to talk about anything with anyone. This song didn't inspire the fanfic but it does describe what's happening.

"Karkat, why are you crying? Nothing's going happen to you. We just need to talk." John says, wiping your tears with his right hand's thumb.

"Dave said the same thing when he was about to break up with me..." You murmur, refusing to break eye contact.

"Kat, you need to talk about these things, but I won't leave you because that won't make you talk. In fact, that would probably only make things worse." John says, rubbing his eyes.

"How can I be sure? Dave said he would never leave me and look where we ended up!" You reply.

"I'm going to take Danny into the other guest room and then we can continue this." John says, slipping put of bed.

"No, he'll be terrified to wake up alone like that." You object.

"Karkat, we can't talk with him in here or we'll wake him. Let go of him." John says sternly.

"No, that's not what I want for him." 

"Now, we really need to talk. He's not your kid but you act like he is. He's starting to become more important than working on our relationship, which is reaching a difficult point." John is dead serious as he takes Danny from you and carries him to the spare bedroom across the hall.

You sit up in bed and hug your knees to you chest. John walks back in and sits cross-legged in front of you. He rubs your legs with his hands and kisses your forehead. You stare at him tongue tied, not wanting to say what needs to be said.

"You need to talk, Karkat." John insists.

"Where should I start?"

"Start with Danny. Why are you so attached to him?"

"He's technically my son."

"What? How?"

"Kanaya asked if I would volunteer to, um, be the donor... I couldn't say no, she's my best and closest friend. I didn't trust anyone else to be her donor." You admit in a rush of words.

"Alright, that's fine, but why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't comfortable with it, the whole donating my genetics like this, but like I said, I didn't trust anyone else."

"Thank you for telling me, but next time, please talk to me. You know we both hate secrets." John points out.

"Okay, I promise." You give a weak smile, feeling a little better about talking to him.

"Now, why are you so anxious lately?"

"Huuuh.... November 7th... I hate November 7th and I can't handle it!" You confess, rocking back and forth a little.

"What's November 7th, Kitty Kat?"

"It's..."

"What is it, baby?"

"The day my biological mom died." You bury your face in your knees until John forces your head up and you practically tackle him him as you lurch into his arms and he embraces you.

"Is that why you keep disappearing on that day every year?"

"Daddy and Kankri plan things for her every year. There's another activity this year too." You sniffle as he runs his fingers through your hair to calm you down.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"Daddy was always gay, but he stayed with Nepeta's mom, Carmen, because he was so close to her and she loved him. He wanted to have kids and she did too, so they had me and Kankri." You explain, pulling away a bit. "There was one day where Daddy and Kankri were going to stay home while Carmen took me to Sollux's house. He lived out towards the edge of town and it..."

You take a deep breath. This has never been easy for you. You know it was all your fault, but Seth would never say it. He would blame himself and the stranger involved, but you know that it was your fault.

"We can stop if you're not ready... We can talk about something else." John suggests, holding your hands in his.

You decide that it's time for you to try and move on. You might as well finish what you've started.


	6. If I Say This, Will You Understand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat explains his trauma and why Seth tends to "baby" him. John learns the secrets that would've kept Dave from leaving Karkat.

"No, I have to say it. There's no point in stopping now." You say, watching his thumbs rub the backs of your hands. "I had this little stuffed bee that I wanted to give to Sollux. I was so excited about giving it to him that I jumped out of the car. I wasn't looking as I crossed the street and there was a car speeding down the street. It was around sunset so they didn't have their headlights on. Carmen saw the car... she threw me down our of the way and..."

You take a deep breath, shaking a little as you have to admit what a horrible thing you've done.

"And she got hit instead of me. When they went back to see if she was okay, they ended up hitting her a second time because they backed up too far... I ran over to her... She said, 'This is how much I love you, baby, my little kitten, I will jump in front of a car for you. Mommy loves you, baby.' I never called her that. Ever. Sollux and his dad, Cecil, came out and found me."

"Karkat, I'm so sorry. That must have been really hard for you." John says, embracing you for a few minutes.

"She was making it worse when she said those last words. She was choking on her own blood. She coughed it up on me as I laid down in the road with her, crying like the pathetic baby I was, cuddling a corpse. I didn't care that I had blood streaming from my forehead or that I had gotten a concussion."

You take another deep breath. You didn't intend to tell so much detail, but it's just pouring out of you now. All the thoughts and memories of that day. 

You killed the mother that you never loved enough to call Mom.

"They took me to the hospital after they pried me away from her. I developed my panic disorder that day. The car accident and the concussion put me into shock and then I couldn't remember hardly anything or recognize anyone. After I recovered, the doctors said that I had developed a panic disorder that would never go away."

"Is that what the pills are for? Managing the anxiety?"

"Some. The others are for my anemia. Danny has it too because of me. He wasn't supposed to get it because it's supposed to recessive, but it was one of those cases where it didn't work out that way." You answer.

"I'm really glad you told me all this. I hope you feel better about talking to me now and if you want, we can stop." John says, kissing your cheek and rubbing his nose to yours.

"No. I want you to know the worst part of all this." You pull away as you say this with all seriousness.


	7. I Don't Know What I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the big moment of Truth for Karkat, John and Dave. Who will Karkat pick?

"Karkat, what could be so awful? Why are you pulling away from me?" John questions.

"Dave said that he loved me. He said that he still does." You say, frustration and indecision written all over your face as you stare at the closet and avoid John's baby blue eyes.

"What..." John says, barely audible.

"He loves me. I don't know who I love..." You sigh.

"Well.... I guess you should figure that out. I love you, Karkat, but leave me if I'm not what you want. If you want him, take him." John says simply, shaking his head. "Sort your shit out. I want to be with you, but not if you're going to toss me aside for him."

John gets up and walks out of the bedroom, his footsteps heading towards the stairs. You hear the side door open and close as he leaves. You stare at the empty doorway, waiting for nothing. 

Perhaps John is what you have to lose and everything else is to be avoided.

You curl up in the corner next to the open door, hoping to feel anything, even the panic you normally avoid. You want to feel something, but you feel numb.

You have no idea how much time passes before you hear the door to one of the spare bedrooms open and see Dave pause at the top of the stairs. He's wearing his record boxers and his tee that John had given him, red and white with a scratched record on the front. He looks at you and you meet his eyes. staring lifelessly at him.

"Karkat, what's wrong?" He asks, walking to the doorway, his red eyes uncovered to you for the first time in five years.

"I think I just lost John. He might hate me now." You respond in a monotone voice.

"John can't hate anyone or anything. He probably seems like he does, but why is he supposed to hate you?"

Dave sits down on the floor in front of you, resting his weight on one hip and his elbow on a raised knee. You tell him everything you told John. You tell him about Danny, Carmen's death, and your own refusal to choose between him and John. You tell him about your anemia and panic disorder, watching as he takes it all in, and wait for his reaction.

He looks at you with an understanding on his face. Then it turns into a sad confusion.

"You really fucked up, Vantas. What are you gonna do about it?" Dave asks, staring you down as he waits for an answer.


	8. Decisions, Decisions. Precision Doesn't Matter, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat finally grows a pair and faces his mess head on. So, Strider, Egbert, or die alone?   
> Ooooh, that's a hard one. He'll have to say...

You feel lost and somehow not.

You know what you need to do. So why is it so hard? Then again, no one said it would be easy.

"I'm going to do what I should have done two and a half years ago." You say, looking Dave in the eye with determination.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He asks, scrambling to get up as you lurch up out of the corner and start towards the stairs.

"You'll see." You respond, chuckling as you add, "And I thought I was the one who hated surprises."

You go out the side door, practically slamming it in Dave's face. You land on the grass outside the door, which is up a ways from the ground because no one ever bothered installing stairs outside that door. You walk around the corner of the house to find John sniffling and crying while sitting in the grass on the hill. You sit down next to him and pull him to sit between your legs with him leaning back against you.

"I'm sorry, John." You whisper kissing his cheek as you wrap your arms around his shoulders. "I really did have feelings for you, but we just don't go together like we thought. Will you still be my moirail?"

"I knew we never really fit. I just hoped that we could, but I wish you could've told me all of this before it came to this." John sniffles, his blue eyes murky and puffy from crying.

"I wish I could say that I could have, but know this; you're the one who got me this far. I'd still be ruining my life if it weren't for you, not that I'm going to thank you for making me cry and put on those stupid costumes, and pretend to be a nice person." You tease, trying to lighten the mood as you nuzzle his cheek before kissing his neck.

"Hey, my costumes were good! Shut your sound pipe!" He chuckles, turning around in your arms and pressing his forehead to yours.

"They suited us pretty well huh?" You say, staring into the sea of blue that you've been content to drown in.

"Yeah. It's too bad we won't make as long as Luna and Artemis or Sherlock and Watson." John sniffs, a final tear streaming down his cheek.

You catch it on your fingertip and lick it off. "Tears don't suit you, they're too bitter for someone with so much fucking enthusiasm that almost gave me an aneurism."

"Kiss me one more time, like the way Emily Deschanel kissed David Boreanaz when she thought she finally saw him again after-"

You interrupt his babbling with a well-deserved, passionate kiss. your hands traveling to his chest and neck. You shift so that he's beneath you, lying in the grass, his hands pulling your waist down towards him. You want this to be memorable, so that every time you see each other, you think of this. Not the almost-fights, not the panic attacks, not the forced confessions. This. This kiss where all that matters is the potential of melting and meshing into one beautiful, sane, person.

You let him pull you down to him, both of you slipping hands under each others' shirts and almost going for each other's boxers, but thinking better of it as the dew covered grass and a cool breeze reminds you that you're not in the bedroom. He lets you break away. Both of you are breathless, panting for fresh air as you cuddle in the grass with your head on his chest and your arms around him and vice versa.

"Are you sure that you know what you want?" John asks, hugging you to him as he inhales your scent.

"Nope. That's why I'm going to stay with Kankri for awhile. He's been wanting to come visit, but he doesn't get much time off since he took on teaching summer semesters in addition to fall and spring at the University of Iowa over in Cedar Rapids. I'm going to let him know that I'm going to stay with him for awhile later today while I pack up." You respond.

"I secretly hope that you choose to come back to me, but I get it if you don't." He admits.

"Wow, Jojo, you really suck at secrets!" You chuckle.

"Yeah I guess so!" He joins you in laughter.

"I guess I should go start packing and check on Danny." You sigh, heaving yourself up and helping john up.

"Yeah you proba-" John starts, but you cut him off with one last kiss full of the fireworks and passion you always held out on giving him because you wanted it to be special.

"It's cliche but I'll say it anyway. I will love you even when we're apart because you will always have a piece of my heart." You whisper, embracing him before making the climb back into the side door and heading up the stairs.


	9. Things You Notice With A Clear Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat missed a lot while he was absorbed in his own world. Dave shows him one of the things he missed.

Heading up the stairs, you hear Danny crying. You pick up the pace, but stop as the crying does. Standing outside the door, which is only open the width of your hand, you catch sight of Dave cradling Danny in his arms. Straining to listen through Danny's sniffling, you hear Dave singing in a low voice.

"I said Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing? I made you a present with paper and string. Open with care, now I'm asking you please, you know that I love you, Will you marry me? Now, son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things. You'll learn one day, I'll hope and I'll pray that God shows you differently..." He sings, slipping into a low hum as he sways with your god son in his arms. "He said Boy can I tell you a terrible thing? It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks. Please don't be sad now I really believe you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me..."

You slip against the door and Danny catches sight of you.

"Daddy!" He calls, reaching out to you and grabbing at the space between you with his tiny hands.

"That was for you, Karkat. I knew you would stand there like a light pole, you almost started glowing like one too." Dave smirks, his mutated crimson eyes meeting your glowing green eyes.

"Shut up and hand me my kid, Strider." You brush him off as you take Danny in your arms, your cheeks burning with embarrassment and your heart racing.

"That's something you missed, Kat." He sighs, shaking his head.

"What's that?" You ask, confusion painted on your face.

"The chance to get to know the side of me that's like you. Talented in a way that doesn't make us look like 'donkeys' if you catch my drift." He gestures to Danny to make sure you know that he censored himself.

"Yeah, I get it. Where I lack is seeing what talent I have, unless deflecting people who care about me counts."

"Dude, I wanna dump you right here and now and we're not even dating. Quit with the self pity and fess up to the fact that you have skills, but you also have issues."

"You're right."

"You know I'm right. So what did you do?"

"I broke up with John after a morning make out session." You shrug, kissing Danny's forehead as he squirms to get your attention.

"Woah, what?"

"Yep. We made out and then I broke up with him. Actually it was kind of mutual. I have to feed him and then go pack and call Kankri." You answer bluntly before exiting the room, turning your attention to Danny. "Are you hungry, mini-me?" 

"Yeah." He cuddles up to you.

"Wait, you're leaving? What is your plan exactly?"

"I'm staying with Kankri while I sort things out and make sure I know what I want. Besides, Kankri said they could use Day care provider and that they're considering replacing the guidance counselor at the university." You state matter of factly while you make breakfast for you and Danny.

"Can I ask where John and I fit into this future planning?"

"Friend and who knows?" You shrug. "That's the wonderful thing. I don't really have to know that yet, though I hope to have it sorted out before the big 29."

"Uuuh, that's good I guess..." Dave stands to side awkwardly and rubs the back of his neck as he tries to make this sound enthusiastic. 

"Calm yourself, Strider. I have more than a few weeks left in me." You laugh as you carry Danny out to the dining room to free up your hands. 

Even as you seem to bounce around, feeling lighter, freer, and more confident in yourself, you know that this won't last. Because you are who you are. And you are not the type to adjust easily. Guess this wasn't thought out very well...


	10. This Isn't So Bad, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some aftermath on Karkat's decision to live with Kankri for awhile. It's Karkat's birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the last chapter I think. I might make a third installment to wrap it up but I'm going to focus on fixing up Chasing Shadows.

"Karkat, you have a visitor. They request your presence immediately and honestly I would rather not be forced to entertain him long enough to find out why he wants to see you." Kankri informs you, standing in the doorway to your bedroom while you slip your Mayday Parade tee on.

"HE? The mystery visitor is a he?" You interrogate, attempting to straighten out your messy black hair.

"I thought you were expecting him. Hmmm. I suppose it might not be so tedious to entertain him after all." Kankri chuckles and smiles deviously as he heads towards the stairs down to the first floor and the front door.

"NO! Don't you dare Kranki!" You threaten him, chasing after him.

"Glad to know you're eager to see me." Dave smirks, standing in the front hall in a red tuxedo with a black dress shirt underneath.

"Dave?" You ask like it's questionable. "I mean I am... Why are you so dressed up?"

"You are absolutely useless, Kankri. I told you to have him dress up." Dave sighs, glaring at Kankri through his shades.

"On the contrary, I am much more capable than you are liable to believe in this instance. You see, I simply love to infuriate my baby brother. It's quite amusing. You should try it sometime." Kankri chuckles as he explains.

"It's not as fun as you believe, almighty insufferable." You can barely see Dave's eyes roll behind his shades as he says this in a flat tone.

"No offense, but why are you here?" You ask, getting tired of the senseless chatter.

"I'm taking you out for your birthday, which the insufferable failed to tell you. Go get spiffied up and then we'll take off." Dave informs you.

"Insufferable? Who are you calling insufferable when many deem you THE insufferable stoic prick. Right Karkat?" Kankri turns on you.

"What in the ever loving fuck? Why are you looking at me?" You flush as you turn around, pausing in your retreat up the stairs.

"Oh, really? So that's what a heartbroken Karkat says in the absence of his lover." Dave smirks. "Maybe I need to remind you of how amazing you think I am."

"Dave. FUCK NO." You protest, dashing up the stairs towards your bedroom while he chases after you.

"Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!" Dave calls as he chases you.

Before you can turn around to close your door, he grabs you with his arms around your waist. Both of you are laughing and huffing from the lack of breath between the running and laughter. You lean back into him, your hands grabbing his, but leaving them clasped on your abs.

"Got you!" Dave murmurs, kissing a line from your cheek to the base of your neck.

"Shut up and sleep with me, you insufferable stoic prick." You breathe, reveling in the endorphins the kisses to your neck produce.

"Shut the door and strip." He commands you.

You kick the door shut with your right foot and turn to face him. The two of you undress each other and slowly move towards the bed.   
... (I'm not going that far into detail here. You know what happens.)...

"That wasn't very long. You've lost stride from your Strider." You pant, lying on top of Dave with you chin resting on his chest. 

"I had to make it quick, we have reservations." Dave pants in response. 

"Shower?" You wiggle your eyebrows suggestively as you say this.

"Sure why not?" 

You shower with Dave, getting in another quickie as you clean up. You both rush to get dressed and Dave chases you down the stairs. You slam the door in Kankri's face before he can say anything. You know that he heard what you two did earlier and you mentally invite him to suck it because he hasn't had any action since Cronus went out of town to visit your brother-in-law Eridan. 

"Where are we going Strider?" You question as he goes downtown.

"You'll see, smooth your fur, Kat." He gives you the famous Strider smirk.

He takes you to an upscale restaurant where you find a large group of your friends waiting.

"What took you so long?" John asks as he hugs both you and Dave.

"We-" Dave starts to answer with a devious look on his face.

"Don't even open your mouth Strider." You warn him with a death glare that could let hell break loose.

"On second thought, i don't want to know." John chuckles and flushes a bit in embarrassment.

You all chat and crack jokes. Everyone makes a toast to you and tells you to enjoy your last year in your twenties. This is a night to remember. Everyone together, your insecurities and issues managed for the time being and you have a feeling the night can only get better.

"Okay, everyone, calm yourselves!" Dave stands up and calls for everyone's attention. "Alright, I have a surprise. Just keep your mouths shut and listen up."

"Dave, what the hell are you doing?" You whisper, your cheeks flushed as you look around and back at him self consciously. 

"Relax, kitty kat." He whispers to you.

He clears his throat and starts to rap, "Now I know shit's gotten kinda awkward,   
but don't you dare try to say one word.   
Things had gotten kinda rocky   
and we treated each other pretty awfully.   
I understand that I'm only one man   
though it wasn't my fault that you ran.   
But baby please listen up   
cause this ain't some silly rhyme asking what's up.   
Now everybody raise their cup   
and solute   
cause this question needs an answer that's absolute.   
Now I'm asking for the truth   
but I ain't needin' any proof.   
Just tell me how you feel   
cause things are gettin real.   
Real serious,   
I know you ain't delirious   
so answer me   
honestly,   
Karkat Vantas   
Will you marry me?"

You stare at him. eyes wide and mouth just barely hanging open while everyone applauds. Your face feels like it's on fire, your pale cheeks practically painted crimson. He wrote a rap just for you. He performed it in the middle of the restaurant. For you. He asked YOU to marry him. Well, don't just sit there like a goober! answer him damn it!


End file.
